The Pregnant Version of Me - by Sophie

Jul 27

Two little lines appeared

Why when you were so wanted, was my first thought fear

So much apprehension and feelings of delight

But oh gosh what undeniable fright

Maybe it was the terribly poor sex education

Preventing teenage pregnancies was the only motivation

“Don’t have sex until you can say your baby was planned”

But my baby was planned and I still feel worried about how the news will land

Or maybe it was the stories that had me so floored

Baby loss, infertility, complications and more

Too much of an empath, my anxiety soared

Feelings of guilt: why us, not them? what did we do for us to have scored?

Maybe it was feelings of doubt in myself

Could I be the mum I was so lucky to have, questions of worry I couldn’t put on the shelf

They talked of a feeling of love so strong

But what if it doesn’t come and I get it all wrong

My pregnancy identity was so full of worry

I wanted it to be over, for her to arrive in a hurry

It wasn’t that I didn’t love the life growing inside me

But more that I doubted it could all go smoothly

If I could go back now I’d tell her to stop, breathe, take a pause, and be present

Stop allowing doubt to take over the love and enjoyment

I’d reassure her when the nights feel long and the world feels scary

Your baby will be safe, happy, and healthy

I’d tell her our life since her birth has been full of bliss

And this pregnancy is a journey we don’t want to miss

I’d be kinder to the girl still finding her way

She is growing into a woman more with each day

I look back now with admiration for that version of me

For her love and her strength shaped all we would be

Now I love my daughter in ways I never knew,

More than I imagined, more than words could ever do.

Every smile, every laughter, love and happiness grows

And with each new day the mum I truly am shows.

Val Anderton

Love - by Laura